Guys, today might be my favorite episode that I’ve ever released on this podcast. I don’t say that lightly. It is an honor to me to business coach, and it’s an honor to business coach at every level. When I coach people around the zero dollar mark all the way up to like they’re making 150, $200,000 a year, it’s a lot of strategy. It’s a lot of how do I get more clients? How do I scale my business? How do I grow this? How do I staff up? A lot of the just conversations about growing your company that come up in that zero to $300,000 mark. 

But I will say that my very favorite conversations and the ones that I cherish the most are often reserved for people that are making around 300 to a million usually. It’s when the questions begin changing to more of like a how do I hold the massive energetic capacity and self-trust and self-leadership that is required for teams of 20 or hundreds of clients when I’ve been hurt in the past? Or this amount of responsibility scares me? 

Or how do I actually get back to myself because a lot of people that have gotten to the 300,000 to a million dollar mark, they’ve realized what all of us have realized, which is that money didn’t solve the things you thought that it would solve. That yes, more money has created a better cushion for you, and bills aren’t as hard to pay. But all of the things that you thought your life would be aren’t there yet. Now we have to find out who we are. We have to rekindle our love for life and have an identity outside of our business. 

The fact that my one on one client is allowing me to share this on the podcast is the most beautiful thing because I was in the middle of having a conversation with her when I realized that the conversation that we were having was one of the most important ones you can possibly have when growing your business, no matter what level you’re at. 

I asked her at the end of our one on one time if it were possible that I shared this conversation with you guys. She had so much grace and so much love to be willing to do this because, you guys, she is very vulnerable on this podcast. She was very vulnerable. She comes to my one on one containers as a very vulnerable person, and this is why she has had the amount of success that she’s had because she leans into these containers. 

So the fact that she is allowing us to use this, and the fact that she has given the grace for you guys to hear this conversation is the biggest gift, so massive round of applause to her. 

But I’m going to let you peek in on a conversation that we had inside of one of my one on one sessions with one of my private clients, who is doing very well for herself. But she is now entering into a new realm of even bigger possibilities and bigger responsibility. She is feeling the pressure and the weight of growing a much larger company than what she was building, say, a year ago or two years ago. So without further ado, I absolutely cannot wait for you guys to listen to this podcast. 

Before we get started, let me just say if you’re someone that tends to drop off halfway through podcasts or you tend not to finish them, I highly urge you to finish this one. There are nuggets in here that are so impactful from the beginning all the way to the very end, at the very, very end. So this entire podcast is such a beautiful representation of self-leadership and self-responsibility, and I cannot wait for you guys to listen. This is episode number 150. I am your host Becca Pike, and it is time for your weekly dose of Hell Yes Coaching. Let’s go. 

Hey, guys. I’m Becca Pike and welcome to The Hell Yes Entrepreneur podcast, the number one show for entrepreneurs looking to create their first six-figure year. If you’ve got the drive and you know how to hustle but you’re not sure where to channel your energy, we’ve got the answers. Let’s dive into today’s show.

Becca: Do you feel that you share any of her concerns? Or do you feel like you’re doing pretty well at leading her? Do you need any help with how to approach this? 

Heather: Yeah, I think I, over the years, it’s like really shaking off the indoctrination from like the industry. Just my history of really feeling like I have to look outside of myself for the answers, if you will. At the end of the day, it’s fun to sell other stuff. So part of it is just I want to do it too, if you will, and for my own sake. It’s also like I really want to go with the spirit of experimentation and not take everything so seriously, if you will. I don’t mean not taking my business seriously, but being precious with things. 

So I think my thing is I don’t want to be precious with things. I want to take action. Action is going to create clarity. Like us selling it is going to give us more clarity than preemptively worrying about these other stories we create about what am I doing?

Becca: Yeah, I love that you’re saying that. To me, that is everything. I mean if you want longevity and you want sustainability in this business, you have to enjoy it and have fun. If you want to have these big what I call quantum leaps, but like sometimes you have these years where you grow by 10% or 20%. Then sometimes you have years where you grow by like 200, 300, 400%. 

When I think about the years that I’ve grown, like my big quantum leaps, I always think of those years as oh, I was just playing and having fun. The years that I didn’t grow very much were very white knuckly and I’ve got to make this work. These are my precious programs. This is what it looks like. This is the way it is. I’m afraid to change anything.

It’s almost like the leashed version versus the unleashed version of me. If you can find that in you to just be oh, I’m just playing and having fun now, that is what brings so much of the magic back. 

Heather: I’m looking to tap into that. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to work with you specifically is because I don’t want to be the leashed version of myself. It’s like a dismantling of that. It’s taking action on things even when I do have some doubts on that. So that’s where I am. I know that if I were to let my dynamic self just be who I am, and I know this is like just a, we’re so socialized not to be that way. But just even the conscious awareness that I want to do it is enough for me to just do it. Do you know what I’m saying? I don’t know if that makes sense. 

I want to experience life is short. I want my business to not be something that I’m white knuckling. I think that’s the right term. Because there’s no reason for me to be white knuckling it. If I went down in a ball of flames business wise, metaphorically, we’re going to be okay. Yet I don’t live or handle my business that way, or I haven’t. I want to be more unleashed, I guess.

Becca: Well, I think you’re having a very high level conversation here. So I noticed that with my beginner clients, I mean, it’s all about making money. Just trying to make money any way you possibly can. Around 100,000, 200,000, sometimes 300,000 a year, it’s still just strategy and how to build the business. With most of my clients that are making anywhere from five to a million, or a little bit over a million, that’s when the conversation really starts shifting. 

It’s not that we don’t go to strategy. We just don’t do it as much. Now it’s more like we’ve got the money. We’ve got the knowledge. Now it’s we have to make our businesses feel great. We need to make sure that we aren’t just spending all of our time cleaning up some lifestyle that we created while we were on the grind where we are missing out on our kids’ stuff and feeling exhausted and unlearning and unwinding all this crap that we wired and learned while we were in the grind. 

So I’m glad that you’re even touching on this conversation now because this is the kind of stuff that sets you up. Being willing to play, be willing to invent ideas and just kind of create them and throw them out there with good quality, but also just kind of throw them out there and just have fun and lead your team through discomfort. These are the things that take you to the next level every time.

Heather: I’m glad you mentioned leading the team through discomfort, if you will, and also like raising the standards that leading my team and really elevating my expectations for them is something that’s happened over the last month, if you will. So the discomfort of that combined with like realizing like not all my current clients. What I was worrying about with clients who are complaining to me about stuff. It’s always the clients who haven’t shown up, if you will. 

So we received some recent complaints. Actually, we were reaching out to them and letting them know about how to renew and whatever. I had a couple client complaints were a year ago I would have been so derailed by them. Now I told my team, I was like these people are not our people. I don’t mean we can’t take some other feedback and improve. We do that all the time. Right? 

There is some feedback, that actually our best clients give us the best feedback when we’re asking them for it. But shifting away from even energetically spending the time, it’s a new frontier for me right now. But it’s one that I’m if I don’t do that, Becca, I will always keep the glass ceiling on the business because I won’t want to experience the negative. I will want to have more clients. That will potentially be this way. Does that make sense? 

Becca: Absolutely, you will not grow your business if you, and you’ll be subconsciously doing this. You don’t know that you’re doing it. But if I can handle the pushback or the frustrations or the client complaints, you won’t grow your business to the next level. This is why it’s so important to have the mindset of the CEO, The Mature CEO. To be able to hold this many people, you weren’t ready for what you’re about to explore over the next year. You weren’t ready for that last year. Right? You weren’t ready for it two years ago, just I wasn’t either. 

So the more that you work on your capacity to hold discomfort for your team, for yourself, for your clients, for all these people. I mean, I feel I’m carrying around everyone’s, we’ve got 60 staff member, hundreds of clients, my team, and I’m just holding, and I’m able to comfortably hold their discomfort. 

If all of them brought discomfort to me at the same time, I’m at a place where I can hold that. That is what takes you to the next level to be able to make more money. If you can’t hold it, you will never grow. 

So this is a really phenomenal conversation of just trusting that your team can even handle, I mean, that’s the first thing is trusting that your team can handle discomfort and trusting that they can grow. Not incorporating your own ideas or thoughts or worries about what is going to worry them and just being able to raise the standard and trust that everyone’s coming with you. That’s a really big topic. 

Heather: Yeah, and it’s one that, well, one, I don’t think people talk about it enough, obviously. But two, the team one, I think I’ve been more aware of the client one over the last six to 12 months than I have been as a roadblock. Meaning, I’ve known intuitively for a while now I can’t keep thinking about certain clients the way I’m thinking about them. Because I know I’m unintentionally playing smaller because of that. 

I think I’ve been less aware of, until you mentioned it, me trying to manage my team members’ expectations and feelings. Even just the last couple of weeks. We did a time on it last week, me and everybody on my team. I score carded my hours I was spending, and I uncovered a bunch of stuff that I’m doing that is $30 an hour, $20 an hour tasks, if you will, that I’m like why am I not giving this to my team? It was really eye opening to find out that. 

So this last this week, I was like I was just honest with him. I’m like all of these things I need help with, you know what I mean? Just very much empowering them. I need Karen and Krista to take ownership of client delivery where not every little question has to be flagged through me. We actually have a frequently asked questions spreadsheet, things to help them. Then, of course, there are topics that they need to ask me on and then I’ll answer and then we add it to the Frequently Asked Questions spreadsheet. 

But part of it has been wondering, well part of it, 100% it’s on me, Becca. I will noodle my way, I noticed it last week. A client or team member was, something to do with the scheduling thing. It was not even a big deal. I noticed myself wanting to jump in. I’d be like no, they are well equipped to handle that and me not to jump in on it. But I have spent so much time jumping in on it over the last year, which is why I’m tired.

Becca: Well, and every time you jump in on it, you train your staff to be more dependent on you. 

Heather: For sure. I mean, there’s a bunch of habits right now that it’s going to take a, that is, for me, affirming or creating that behavior for them, if you will. 

Becca: Yeah, absolutely. I remind my team, so this is the way that I present my team. I remind them of this bride analogy all the time. I tell them listen. I am like the bride on the wedding day. Okay, so what that means is if your friend is the bride, if there’s little things that are happening that you can take care of, you just take care of it. You don’t tell the bride about it. You don’t tell her. She has other things that she’s doing. 

If the altar catches on fire, then the bride needs to know that the altar has caught on fire, right? Or if the groom’s not going to show up, maybe the bride needs to know, right. But if the mother-in-law’s just had a spat over by the champagne glasses, she doesn’t need to know about that. That’s just going to exhaust her. 

So I ask my people to protect me in that way. But hey, my door is always open. I am here if you don’t know how to handle a situation, but you know how to handle 99% of situations. I need you to protect me so that I can do the work that I can do. Then reaffirming and recommunicating that what they’re doing is working really well. 

So if someone comes in, and they have a question about the membership, and they want to stop their payments. The first few times I had to tell my team you can handle this. I know that you can. If you want to send it to me to proofread before you send it out, that’s cool. We’ll do that a couple times. But then I know that you’ve got it, right. You send it to me. I proofread it. 

Then if I notice that they’re having these conversations without me, I often will read through them and approve. I will say hey, good job talking to Jessica about her membership, whatever. That was great. I don’t do it all the time. But I just drop little treats here and there to just boost their confidence. 

What you want is a team that is like I can handle anything. I know exactly what to do. But the only way to get there is for you to be really clear on when someone writes this, this is what I want you to say, this is the vibe I want it to be in, and this is what I want it to look like. 

But it requires the upfront work of you doing that and holding the standard of I want to be the bride that is taken care of. You don’t come to me for all of the email replies that need to be sent. You don’t come to me for you know everything. Here’s the things that I want to be bothered with. 

So I’ll tell my staff I want to be bothered with every single Instagram post that you make. I want to see it before it goes out. Right? I want to approve it before it goes out. I don’t want to approve every email that you send. I don’t care what your emails are that you’re sending as long as they fit the criteria that we have done in the past. 

If someone complains about my membership, and it’s not something that we can improve as a team, I don’t want to hear it right that. You just protect me from it. That is a way that allows me to continue to push forward every time. 

Heather: That is so good. I mean, I would love that in MSA. Right now I feel I very much know, and I’ve already said that to you. So I’m shifting right now. There’s already been a shift. I already told them. They get it actually too because there’s other things. I need to be the rainmaker. I can’t be the rainmaker when I’m in the weeds in some of these areas, if you will. So I see it so much clearer now. All the little nuanced ways that it shows up because I catch myself still doing it, you know what I mean?

Becca: It’s a practice. It’s a continual practice. It’s a trust practice. You have to, honestly, it goes right back to just trusting your staff that they can handle all of this. I always have this allowance for mistakes. I’m just totally okay with if my staff says something wrong to someone or doesn’t present it the way that I would, even if that person leaves and I don’t even have their payments anymore. I’m like okay, that’s cool. This fits within my allowance. 

Now, if seven people in a month left, that is outside of my allowance, right? But three people a month, I will literally sacrifice in order for my team to be able to become superior. So if something happens and somebody leaves, that is a phenomenal time for me to be okay, this is what we did. This is how I want to do it differently. This is the steps we’re going to take to make sure that that happens. Not a huge deal. We’re good, right? Moving on.

So that allowance allows me to not get in and try to make sure that everybody has what they need and make sure that every email is being replied to perfectly because that allowance is there, and it allows me to lay back and relax while my team does their jobs. 

Heather: Totally. That’s so good. I think it’s that and the other thing that is I’m expanding my capacity for right now is just the no’s if you will, in general. I think you said on a podcast episode. You don’t get offended when the server’s not offended when they ask you if you want a glass of wine with your meal and you’re like no, right. 

But I’m still taking it very personally, which of course, subconsciously limits the amount of offers I want to make. I honestly believe selling is serving, and I do believe that. I know people say that. Intellectually, I believe that, right. But anyhow, I just see it showing up for me there as well too.

Becca: No, absolutely. I think that that is a whole ‘nother conversation on self-trust and self-leadership because anybody can sell when people are buying, right? That’s the easiest thing to do is sell when people are buying. But what’s not easy to do is to continue to sell when people aren’t buying. All of my clients tend to be very surprised when I tell them about launches that don’t work out. Just a few months ago, I had a launch where I was launching a masterclass and zero people bought it. 

When I was talking to my Mastermind about it, I didn’t know how surprised they would be by that. They were all completely taken aback. They were but you continue to show up every single day on social media, and you were having fun. You were doing your thing. 

Heather: Tell me about that.

Becca: Yeah, so it was a masterclass where I was teaching a course on interviewing and hiring. It was $600, maybe $800 to come in. If you came in, you got this whole course. I mean, it was a huge. I mean, I sat down with my husband, my husband and I co created it. It was probably four hours of content. But I knew that I wanted this to be a main staple inside of The Circle anyway. So I was excited to build it, regardless of what happened. 

Heather: Totally. 

Becca: So I was selling it. Selling it for, I don’t know, maybe a week, two weeks. It was lots of emails, lots of social media, lots of telling people about it, and zero people bought it. Every single day that went by zero people, zero people, all the way up to the deadline, zero people. 

At the time, at the deadline, I happened to be in Miami and one of my Mastermind girls wanted to come have dinner with me. So we had dinner. I kind of said in passing oh yeah, no one bought that. She was like, “What? What do you mean no one bought it?” She was like, “Why are you so nonchalant about it?” 

It ended up occurring to me later, and we had this huge discussion in my Mastermind, that it didn’t really matter to me because it didn’t change at all how I view myself as a business coach. I am one of the top business coaches. I’m one of the top business minds. I’m the smartest business person that I know, to be honest. 

Just because this one thing didn’t sell. I put all this effort into it. I told everyone about it, and I had zero people sign up. That doesn’t change my business brain. It just made me more curious. I was just like well, what did I say, or what did I not say? Or how did I present it? It just put me into a deep dive of curiosity. I mean, that was still a massive month for me, revenue wise. It was just zero dollars came from that class. 

But I continued to show up every day. This is the thing the Mastermind people were so stuck on was how much I showed up and how intense I showed up and how excited I showed up. This is going to change your life, and you’ve got to buy it. It’s amazing. When I could have been no one’s buying it, therefore I’m no longer selling it. Therefore it’s over, basically. 

Heather: Before it’s over. Yeah.

Becca: Yeah. So I didn’t know how much it was going to mean to them. But it ended up becoming a really big part of our conversation during that round. Over and over and over again, it got brought up. It just turned a new leaf whenever I told them, something that I say often, which is who are you when it’s not working? Who are you when it’s not working? 

Are you defeated, and so you stop showing up? Then you’re embarrassed and then you carry shame and then you make it mean that you’re not a great coach? Or are you the person that literally screams it from the rooftop all the way through. Then when no one shows up, you’re still out to eat, and you nonchalantly don’t even really think about it as being a problem because you’re on a continual path of growth regardless.

Heather: That’s what I want to be. 

Becca: Yeah. But it’s untangling this belief that everything we sell has to work really well. Here’s what, I compete against my own self. So interviewing and hiring had zero people buy into it when I launched it. The way that my membership works, I’m going to be relaunching it 12 months later. So every month has a theme. We’re going to repeat that theme every year. So that month I’m going to be launching interviewing and hiring again. My goal is to get four people in it next round that have bought a la cart. 

Heather: Right and then they get how much time to apply that money to The Circle?

Becca: They usually get 10 days after the class is complete.

Heather: Okay.

Becca: Yeah, so depending on how long the class is. So I’m competing against me. So, to me, it doesn’t mean anything. My starting point is zero. I had zero people. Now next year, if it is also zero, I’m going to be a lot more curious. It’s not curious bad. It’s not like this person sold a masterclass and they’re killing it. You never know what’s going on on social media, first of all. They lie that they’re killing it, and they might not be.

Now I won’t ever lie. I won’t ever say everyone’s buying this when nobody’s buying it, but I will continue the energy. The same energy is what I call day one energy, right? Day one energy. You are pumped. You’re about to release this thing. Anything’s possible. You’re going to launch it. Everyone’s excited. Then day two happens, day three happens, day four happens, nobody’s bought it. All of a sudden your energy starts being in the shitter. 

To me, that’s the self-leadership that is the problem, right? It’s so easy to sell stuff when it’s selling. When it’s not selling, who are you then? Are you still day one energy. Hey, I’ve got this thing. It’s amazing. I’m going to try an even better way of describing it. I’m going to try to hone in exactly what message it is that I’m trying to get across. There’s still tons of people that want to buy it on the deadline, and I am showing up for this. Versus this tanked. I gave it three days. It didn’t work. I’m out. I’m never launching this again. 

Heather: For sure. So good. Are you always that way?

Becca: I mean, I am definitely human. Things can hurt my feelings, but it’s just different now. It’s not the way it used to be. It used to bother me when a client was disappointed, or it used. I mean really bother me. It would derail me for a month from being able to sell because someone thought that it wasn’t worth it or something, I don’t know. 

I’m still human. But I think that I just, again, it’s that same conversation we just had my capacity to hold a lot is just bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger. So these things that used to be these huge problems are still bothersome, but they’re more so bothersome like they’re just gum on the bottom of my shoe. Now I have to stop and get it off.

But the only reason that it went from this mountain to a molehill is because I’ve put myself in so many hard situations. You know what I mean? I’ve been uncomfortable so much. I have kept moving forward and allowing more and more and more and more and more risk and discomfort. You just start being desensitized to it. Imagine if Pepsi got derailed every time someone was like your product sucks. You just have to have such a bigger mindset. You have to have such a bigger outlook on it. 

Heather: For sure, for sure. Yeah, no. We had a client recently who actually I was going to have her come on the podcast. She’s gotten great results, has made a ton more money. We’ve trained her team and all these things. She ended up complaining to us that about, and I know she’s like, I know she’s having other drama that isn’t related to us just because I know a little bit about her story. 

But I’m like I was disappointed for sure, but I recovered from it so much faster than I did last year. So I still want to get even better at recovering. Also better at like I didn’t even need to know about it yet, right? It was communicated to my team who was coordinating with her, if you will. I want to get to the point where they are equipped to handle it. But we have to decide okay, what is our response in this scenario? 

It was ironic because she wanted extra time in the program. She was asking for more time for free. I was like who asks for more time in a program they don’t think is working? 

Becca: Yeah. Gum on your shoe.

Heather: Yeah, for sure.

Becca: The more people that we serve. Massage Strong is seeing, I think last time I checked it was 6,000 people a month. 

Heather: Oh my gosh.

Becca: Walking in and out. Then Sterling, our yoga studio, we had 1,500 people come in, in the last seven days. So the amount of people that we are serving statistically is insane. What is that? 1,500 in seven days. Let’s equal that to 6,000 people a month. So 6,000 plus 5,000. 11,000 people just in my brick and mortars a month coming in and out. 

Statistically, there’s mad people. There just is. There’s just, you can’t please 11,000 people a month at 100%. You’ve got to just realize some people are coming in and their dog just died, and they’re going to take it out on you. They’re going through a breakup, they’re going to take it out on you. They have trauma from a past coach, they’re going to take it out on you. That’s okay. 

But the question is, again, back to the theme of this entire conversation is can you hold it? Can you be the punching bag while staying professional and not letting it? 

Here’s another thing I see too. When we talk about this, it’s a boundary conversation, but you want to be able to protect your heart so that you can continue to open it. You want to be able to say I am still going to sell my ass off, and I’m still going to love my program. I’m not going to just lock up and become a cold hearted, dark soul who can’t be vulnerable because too many people hurt my feelings. 

I think I went down that path for a while. I was like business just isn’t worth it. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, no matter what type of boss I am, no matter how much I put my employees first, people are just pissed at me. They just have ideas of me, and they’re pissed. 

This came, again, from a numbers game of just having a massive staff and not everyone being happy. I locked up for a long time. It’s more important to not get locked up in the first place than to have to go back and clean up the mess that you’ve made of your heart. Does that make sense?

Heather: It makes total sense. I think what comes up for me a bit is having the discernment to not make it mean that the program doesn’t work. Because what pops up for me when I think of Massage Strong or Sterling is okay well, they’re not complaining about a $12,000 offer, if you will. They’re complaining about maybe a lower priced offer. I don’t even know if that, that probably shouldn’t matter, but that is what honestly pops up in my brain that is going to limit me. Where do we need to make improvements, right? Then where are they just not adulting? 

Becca: Yeah, well, and you’ve got to remember that your idea of $1,200 is the same feeling as a lot of people spending $130 on a Massage, right? So it is so relative. There are people that have been saving up for three months to buy their girlfriend a massage gift certificate, and it is their entire wallet. It is all relative. 

There’s yoga studio people who have been coming for years. They want to say well, I’ve been coming here giving $100 a month for four years. That is X amount of money. There’s just so many ways that you can cut it. But leadership is leadership, regardless of what your price is. It’s all the same. It’s how you act and how you lead your team. Just the vibration that you give off to the world when people are throwing rocks. 

Heather: That’s so good, Becca.

Becca: I’m going to beg you at the end of this to let me turn this into a podcast episode, I just want you to know.

Heather: You have greenlight. So.

Becca: It’s a good conversation that needs to be had. You brought such a good topic today.

Heather: It’s weird because I can see so clearly, I have such self-awareness right now of what has been my own, how I’m keeping myself small because it feels safer to not have to go out and potentially have more clients complain or to potentially go out and have, or to have the discomfort of my team, maybe feeling the stress of the new responsibilities and the new what have you. It’s seeing it through fresh eyes, if you will. 

Then how it shows up in all these little nuanced ways that the first step is admitting you have a problem. I can see it clearly now how it’s how it’s matriculating to all these other things as well. 

Becca: Yeah, yeah, I mean it penetrates everything. It’s your relationship with yourself. That’s the overarching assignment here is the relationship and how much you trust yourself and how afraid you are of getting hurt. Or how much you have your own back, or how much you’ve prioritized what really matters. I think that that’s an important one too. This can sound really cliche, but time and time again this lesson has helped me so much. But what really matters, to me, overall, is honestly just my husband and kids. 

Again, this sounds cliche, but that’s the bubble I live in. Everything else, I have separated everything so well. So this whole coaching business, Instagram, podcast thing, it’s over there. It’s a thing that I do for work. What really matters to me is that my home life is sacred. 

So because they’re so separate and because I know that the money from that doesn’t remove the love or add the love that we have in our home, then that is its own entity, and it can take care of itself. Things can happen to it, and I have an allowance for things to happen to it. It’s okay if it has lower months and higher months.

I mean, it’s a double sided sword. So when it has lower months, it’s not it changes anything about what matters to me. But when it has these massive, insane, crazy months, it’s not I’m getting pulled away from my family either because I’m so excited and just can’t handle that type of money. The fluctuations, the discomfort, the comfort, everything that comes from my business is so separate from my real life, it almost feels a virtual reality. It’s just something I turn on and then I turn off at 5:00 p.m. Then I go back to my real life. 

So making sure that your priorities are right is really helpful in not feeling too fearful of growing your company. Because guess what? If it doesn’t work, nothing happens to the real you and the stuff that matters. It’s just this virtual reality you live in. You can rebuild it. It’s a game you’re playing.

Heather: That’s what makes it sustainable, if you will. Because you watch some of these people who’ve shut down their businesses who have really successful businesses. It’s because they’re not sleeping at night, probably. I’ve had nights where I’m not asleep because I’m racking through my brain some form of negative feedback that I’m seeing as negative feedback regardless and worrying about different parts of the business. 

At the end of the day, I won’t stay in business if I keep doing that because I won’t want to. I’ll convince myself to do it. So creating the, it is I guess a mental boundary, if you will, too, and it’s over. I like that visual picture of it being separate because that is like you’re talking about self-leadership is too.

Becca: Well, and I think one gives. So if you don’t separate them. It’s not that you can’t have a work life balance, but it is really hard to have a work life balance when they’re so intertwined. So if you have a very intertwined business and home life then one of them is going to falter. Most people will allow their home life to get shaky because there’s this false sense of security, that they’re not going anywhere.

Heather: Right.

Becca: That’s the joke of a lifetime. Because every husband is capable of leaving, and every kid is capable of just growing apart and growing separate and not really having the relationship that you could have. So to me it’s you have to separate them. There’s no way in hell I would ever put my business over top of my family and my kids. So why would I even pretend to on the day to day?

I used to. So I know exactly what you’re saying about losing sleep at night. I sleep a baby. Now, I get off work at 5:30. I’m hopping my way up the stairs, and I just turn into myself completely and wholeheartedly. That’s what I want business owners to feel. 

Because I can teach all day about having a ton of money. I can teach all day about working yourself out of work where you’re only working 10 hours a week, and making X amount of money. But the problem is I get so many business owners to that point then they don’t know who they are. They don’t know what to do with themselves. 

Then this mental health situation starts happening because they forgot who they were along the way. Now they have all this free time, and they have money. They’re just in a situation that they weren’t expecting. They thought that everything was going to feel good at this point. It actually feels worse because they don’t really have the same relationship with their spouse, their kids, their lives. They don’t know what their hobbies are.

Heather: For sure. I definitely have kept my spouse and my kids close, but some of the other aspects of my personal life, hobbies and other things. 

Becca: That might be why it can feel very fearful and intertwined. Fearful that the business has to work. Because, right now, it is 85% of your life. So you’re if this doesn’t work, what am I kind of thing? 

Whereas if you were super fulfilled with your hobbies and your girlfriends and everything, just you had all these different branches, and business was just one of your branches out of many. Then that branch breaking or even just chipping a little bit wouldn’t be a huge deal. But when it’s your trunk, I’m just making this analogy up. I feel really good about it. When it’s your trunk, it is a much bigger deal. 

Heather: For sure. Yeah. It’s like the tighter you, I could say this in hindsight now. My husband was a professional baseball player. The closer he got, he played through AAA with the Braves and the Mariners. The closer he got to his goal, the more precious he got with it, the more tight he got with it, the worse things got. I can see self-reflection right now how I’m doing something similar. 

Where it’s like the more success I’ve had, even at this level, it’s like oh now I’m tighter, right? Instead of having that to just bring it right around to the top of our conversation about being leashed versus unleashed. I intellectually know it’s not about the endpoint, it’s about the journey. Yet, I’m not making the journey enjoyable.

Becca: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. How can you be unleashed when you’re white knuckling? How can you be unleashed when you’re not enjoying it? Right? How can you be unleashed when you have to make that goal? I say this with true honesty. This is the most honest thing I’ve ever said. 

This year could end as a $10 million year. It could also, if it chose to completely fall apart and end as $100,000 a year, which would be a massive regression. I really feel everything is just fine. I really do. I’m not saying I wouldn’t be oh, shit, that was crazy. Because I would. But my life wouldn’t change that much. 

Heather: Right? Yeah.

Becca: Like, my life would change in the sense of we would downgrade cars, and we would downgrade house. We might move to an apartment, but that doesn’t equal my life. It’s so separate. It almost it almost sounds too cliche for it to be tangible. But it really, that’s where I’ve gotten myself at this point. 

So when there’s really big things on the line, and we have a launch, and I’ve spent a lot of time on it and a lot of energy, and it doesn’t work out, it’s just a blip of the timeline because I’m going to be doing this forever. I’m going to be owning businesses in some capacity forever. It’s not going to matter when I’m 50 years old what I did when I was 36. It’s not going to matter when I’m 70 what I did when I was 50, it’s just not going to matter. 

It’s this kind of, the same thing with big stuff. I could go and sign a deal right now that makes me $2 million on the spot passive, that’s not really going to matter when I’m 65. It’s not going to have changed that much in my trajectory.

Heather: For sure. I know it sounds so funny, but actually being able to enjoy the journey, it’s everything. Because we spend a decent amount of time doing the work that we’re doing. 

Becca: Yeah, this is our life. This is all we got.

Heather: For sure. I think that historically, I’ve always used pressure to get myself to do things. So I feel I have to use pressure to whip myself into doing things sometimes too. Do you know what I mean? Or like using worry as the catalyst, if you will. It’s why I am not bigger than I am right now, actually. Right? It’s because it’s not a catalyst.

Becca: Right. What if your catalyst changed to magic? When I say magic, I just mean enjoyment, excitement, playfulness. What would be the most fun and exciting and scary thing I could do right now? I’m just going to see if this works. I’m going to actually enjoy it. Maybe the pressure and the frustration and the white knuckling wasn’t what got me there. 

Maybe it was the little hints of magic that I had along the way that I kept not noticing because I was just overbearing with white knuckling. I just didn’t see that that was really what was propelling me. Because you have to have had some type of playfulness, magic, and fun in this to even get yourself here. It seeped in in the cracks somewhere. 

Heather: For sure. Yeah. I want a higher percentage of it.

Becca: Well, you get to have that now. There’s nothing that needs to wait or change. I mean, literally everything that you say to your staff from this point, everything that you put online from this point, the way that you present yourself to your spouse, the way you present yourself to your audience, the way that you think about everything can change instantaneously. You can just change it. It’s not five years of therapy.

Heather: Yeah, I 100% believe that. It’s just a decision. Really good stuff, Becca, really good. 

Becca: Yeah. Well, I mean, I’m really glad that you’re thinking of all of these things. You’re advanced for where you’re at right now. Most people get to about a million, two million, and then they start being I hate my life. What do I do? Oh.

Heather: Yeah, it’s interesting. I definitely am, not to I hate my life. But I definitely, and it could be because I’m my age too. I don’t know. That I see my kids are at an age where I don’t have that many years left with them too. So it just gives you perspective. I’m noticing I want absolute presence with my kids, you know? So it’s very eye opening. I think when they were little, it felt so long. Now I’m it feels so precious. Maybe not precious, but it’s just I have a freshman in high school, you know?

Becca: You want to hear the saddest statistic I’ve ever heard in my life? I’m sure you do. Here it comes. 

Heather: Give it to me. 

Becca: By the time your child leaves the nest, you will have spent 98% of all the time with them that you ever will go.

Heather: You’re going to make me cry, Becca. 

Becca: I mean, that’s a big deal. 

Heather: That’s a big deal. 

Becca: It’s a big deal. I don’t know about you, but I ain’t having it. First of all, I’m going to push myself into their life in every crack and corner that I can. I will bribe them with dinners and airplane tickets so that they will spend time with me. But also with my mom’s death so in the face, I watched her die young, very young. She was only 66. 

Heather: Yeah. 

Becca: I saw her whole life her. I was like her life was really quite short. I mean, I can think of it, at least from what I saw in the chapters that I saw it, and it just ended abruptly. She was talking about things that she wished she had done. I’m just I can’t. I won’t. I can’t do that to myself. I was already on this path of wanting to really enjoy my career and my life before she passed away. 

So this just imploded it completely into there is no way in hell I am ever doing anything I don’t want to do, period. I am going to build the business that I like. I am getting rid of everything that I don’t. This is it. Because I will burn this thing to the ground before I dislike my life.

Heather: I get it. Meaning because I know you were so close to your mom. I think about that 98% statistic. My mom’s at my house every day. So like, I feel that.

Becca: Yeah, well, that’s awesome. Your mom beat this statistic then. 

Heather: She did. She did. We’re super, but I’m her only child. These are her only grandkids. She lives five minutes down the road. So.

Becca: Yeah, it’s true. The last two years of my mom’s life, I think of it as complete, a complete universal gift. Because she had moved away to Massachusetts for eight years, which I never saw coming. We were so close growing up. But then she met this guy, and it was like this whirlwind relationship. She fell in love. She moved to Massachusetts, and I visited her as much as I could. But it was crazy. 

He passed away very randomly from COVID, actually. When he passed away, she moved back down here. Then we had two years of her living five minutes away, at my house every day, constant communication, reading the same books, watching the same shows, best friends. So I got to have a little piece of that as well at the very end. 

Heather: What a gift.

Becca: It was, I mean, I can’t believe it all lined out the way that it did so that we could have that. I

Heather: Love it. I love that you did it. I love the whole you have clients that are going to come with you and then you have new clients and then that’s just how it is. Meaning every time you shift forward, like you said I think our last call, some clients will come with you and some won’t. But self-leadership is deciding for yourself what is. Maturity and leadership is deciding what it’s going to be, not letting all these outside factors determine in it. 

Becca: Yeah, you’re moving forward regardless. People are coming and people are not coming. That is okay because you are on your own trajectory. You’ve got your blinders on, and you’re moving forward.

Heather: For sure. Thank you, Becca.

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