Welcome to episode 211. I am your host, Becca Pike, and it is time for your weekly dose of Hell Yes Coaching. Let’s go.

Welcome to The Hell Yes Entrepreneur podcast. I am your favorite business coach, Becca Pike. If you’re looking for high level CEO leadership skills, modern day marketing strategies that actually convert the hell out of your leads, and you want to create a big ass wallet and big ass impact in your community, then this podcast is for you. 

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It is actually pretty crazy, all of the things that I do, all of the businesses that I run, all of the staff that I have with the amount of space and time and freedom that I also have in my home life. And it’s just wild. I was talking to one of my one-to-one clients and she was like, “How do you actually do it? What do you do? How do you shut your brain off? How do you actually shut your brain off?”

And here’s the thing. First of all, I just want to state that it’s more habits than it is processes. I think that a lot of times my clients come to me and they’re like, “I need to put processes in place, and I need to delegate in a way that I can shut my brain off whenever I’m not at work.” And it’s like, yes, processes can help and delegation can definitely help, but really it’s more in like the habits. It’s in the little daily habits. It’s in the little moments in time where you have a decision. 

Do you want to look at your phone or do you want to pay attention to what your kid is saying? Do you want to look at your phone or do you want to have dinner completely phone-free? Like the little habits of constantly asking yourself which way you’re trying to go with your life, minute by minute, it’s really the habits, is what it is.

And it’s not like I just magically detach. Sometimes I get comments from people that can see inside of my life and they understand how many businesses I own and all of the things, all of the plates that I’m spinning, and they say something along the lines of like it being really easy for me to detach or I’m just naturally able to detach or I just naturally want to detach or something like that. And I just want to nip that in the bud because it’s really hard work. It’s extremely hard work. 

It’s like if you – I told my mini-mind not too long ago, if you went out and ran sprints and you ran sprints in the rain, you ran sprints in the snow, you ran sprints on the days you didn’t want to, on the days you were tired, on the days you were hungover, on the days you didn’t feel like it, you ran sprints in the summer, the winter, the fall, the spring. And then someone said to you, like you’re just naturally a fast runner, you would be like, yeah, fuck you.

This is how I feel about detaching. Detaching is a skill. It’s not something that just happens. It’s not something that just like I’m naturally good at. I chose a long time ago that I don’t want to get on my deathbed at 90 years old and think back at my life and be like, wow, I sure was on my phone a lot. Or wow, I sure was thinking about work a lot. Or wow, I don’t really remember my kids growing up because I was constantly answering calls. I don’t want that. And I look at my life in this really big picture and I just think to myself, like, what do I want? And I want space. I want dinners uninterrupted. I want movies uninterrupted. I want to play with my kids uninterrupted. And there’s a mindset to this, but it’s also just a habit.

And so I’m going to go through a couple little habits that I have that have been really helpful for me. And hopefully you can take some and leave some and do what you want with some. So, a lot of you guys already know that I have two phones. This has been one of the biggest things ever. I have the phone that has everything on it. This is where my team contacts me. This is where my clients contact me. This is where my social media is. This is the Instagram, the Facebook. This is where anyone on the freaking planet can contact me. 

And then I have this other phone that I call my burner phone, and it’s got about twelve contacts in it. And it only has text messages and like my Pinterest board. And I don’t know how to use Pinterest other than to pin cute nail colors. So it doesn’t like bother me. It’s not like something people can get a hold of me on. They might be trying to get a hold of me on it. Can you get a hold of people on Pinterest? I don’t know. I don’t actually know how it works. I just know that they have a lot of really fire nail options. But I’ll have my Pinterest on there. I’ve got my camera on there and about twelve people have that phone number.

And what I have done for a really long time is leaving my work phone in my office whenever I leave work. And then I have my burner phone that I carry with me where I can make phone calls, I can listen to music, I can get on Pinterest. Now, here’s the deal. Can I say I’ve been 100% successful with this? No, because it’s not actually that I couldn’t handle being away from my phone and I felt this strong desire to get back to my phone. It was more like there were just some unexpected things that I wasn’t aware was going to happen. 

Like, for instance, here’s an example. I leave my phone at my office and I have my burner phone and my kid says to me, “Hey, can I go to the neighbor’s house?” And I’m like, “Yeah, that sounds great. Go to the neighbor’s house.” And then I realized twenty minutes later that neighbor doesn’t have my phone number and I don’t have their phone number. And now I have to go down and grab the phone number and put it in my new phone, and now I’m giving someone else my contact that I didn’t necessarily want to give my contact. And there was a lot of scenarios like that. 

A lot of scenarios you wouldn’t think would come up very often, but all of a sudden I’m, you know, with my burner phone and I realize that I am having a dental emergency. Now I’ve got to go down, I’ve got to get the other phone, and you kind of get sucked into it too, once you’re down there with your other phone. So there’s been cases where it hasn’t been 100% clean.

But I will say the second phone has been a massive lifesaver. Also, they have this thing called the Brick. My friend’s husband just got it where it’s this box that attaches to your wall and when you tap your phone to it, it takes away your apps that you don’t want. So your social media apps, you know, maybe the apps that you talk to your team on, and it locks them and then it won’t relock them until you retap it. 

So you can tap your phone and lock all your apps, go out on a date night, and even if you wanted to open up Instagram or you wanted to open up Voxer on your date night, you couldn’t until you got home and retapped it. I think that’s a genius idea and it’s probably something that I would have done before getting a second phone, had I thought about it.

But the whole second phone thing, the whole being unavailable to people thing, 10 out of 10 recommend. There are too many people believing that we’re just all supposed to be available to each other. You know, it wasn’t that long ago that we weren’t all available to each other all of the time. And I wasn’t at the meeting where mankind got together and they were like, let’s just all be available for the rest of time, all of the time. And if you text someone and they don’t text you back in like four or five hours, you can just be mad at them and you can wonder what’s wrong and like, did you hurt their feelings? Like, no. 

I wasn’t a part of that conversation. I don’t like to be available all the time. I don’t want to be available all the time. I don’t think that there is a scenario on the planet where you need to be able to get a hold of me, no matter what. Like, my business, let’s go back to like 1985. If you had a business in 1985 and you didn’t have a home phone, then let’s say your business burnt to the ground at night. Guess what? You would find out the next morning. There’s nothing else you could do about it. You would find out the next morning, you would go to your business and it would be burned down. That’s the way I want to live my life. Okay? Call me crazy, but it is.

The next thing that I would suggest doing if you are trying to get away from your work, and whether that’s mentally or physically, if you’re trying to get away from your work, tell your kids. Tell your kids what you’re trying to do and have that accountability. Because there is no one more truthful than your kids when you tell them, “Hey, Mommy’s doing this thing where I’m trying to get away from my phone and I don’t want to be on my phone and I don’t want to be scrolling social media and I want to be off my phone from 5 p.m. till 8 p.m.” Tell your kids. 

They will definitely call you out on it. They will definitely say something about it. But you guys, you all are like, some of you guys are one conversation away from a whole new life if you would just tell the people around you how you’re feeling and have some accountability for yourself. If it is normalized in your marriage for you guys to scroll endlessly next to each other, that is going to be a really hard habit to break versus if you tell your spouse, “I am really trying hard to do this. Do you think you could do it with me?” Or if you don’t want to do it with me, that’s totally fine. Like, “Can you hold me accountable?” That conversation is extremely powerful. 

Or the conversation to your staff members, “Hey, I know that I’ve always said you can contact me anytime. I no longer mean that. I am taking that back. I would like to not be contacted unless it is an absolute emergency. And when I say emergency, I mean you better not do it except maybe once every other year.” Like, I want to not be contacted. You got to have that conversation with your staff, with your right-hand man, your right-hand woman, whoever it is that contacts you. You got to stop answering your clients who are messaging you after 5 p.m. Just let it go. And this is a whole mindset, but it’s also just a habit. Okay?

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Another thing that I do is I have set times of no phone. And it doesn’t really feel like a rule. I don’t want to call it a rule. It’s not like I’m like, “Okay, Becca, no phone from this time to this time or from this time to this time.” I think of it more like a standard. Like if I’m eating dinner with my family, like I don’t have my phone out. I don’t want to have my phone out. I don’t feel like anyone needs to be able to get a hold of me. I also kind of think it’s rude when people have their phone out at dinner time. That’s just a standard I hold. It’s not like a rule that I’m white knuckling and hoping that I can do. It’s just like that’s just who I am. Call me old school, but it’s true. 

Same with like bedtime routine. When I’m putting my kids to bed, it’s, you know, it’s the whole thing. You know, reading books and going to the bathroom and getting on your pajamas and brushing your teeth and brushing your hair and my girls want me to braid their hair every night right now. We’ve been in this cycle for like two months. And so I’m braiding hair and I’m getting them all tucked in and I’m talking to them and the whole routine is about 40 minutes, 30 or 40 minutes of like helping them just do what they do to go to bed.

And a lot of times it’s hands off and a lot of times it’s just me like peeking in and chatting with them and braiding their hair whenever they’re ready, but it really does feel better for me to be present. Even if I’m not presently walking them through their bedtime. You know what I’m saying? Like even when they’re the ones doing their bedtime routine, me feeling present and me feeling like I can hear them chattering away, I can hear them talking to each other, I can hear the bathroom water running as they’re brushing their teeth. Like that feels good to me. 

I want to remember bedtime routines in my life. And so I don’t have a phone during bedtime routines. We also have this thing after school. Again, this isn’t a hard and fast rule. It’s just kind of like who I want to be. My kids get off the bus at 3:30 p.m. So from 3:30 to 4, they have a snack. And I sit down at the table and I eat a snack with them. Here’s what’s so great about this. It’s 30 minutes. It’s not that long. I was going to eat a snack anyway. Might as well put my phone away and just focus on my kids for 30 minutes. They get 30 straight minutes of mommy eye contact. I hang on their every word. I ask them about school. I want to know everything that’s going on with them right now. You know, during this time it is sacred. There is no phone.

When you add all this up, like when you add up all these times that I choose not to have my phone, think about it. Just from the time that my kids get off the bus at 3:30, from 3:30 to 4, no phone. Usually I’m cooking from 4 to 5, so there’s not much phone happening there. And then usually no phone at dinner time, so at least 5 to 6, right? And then no phone again from 7 to 8 as they get ready for bed. 

To me, like when you have those built in, you kind of naturally detach. You naturally detach because who’s got time for a phone when you’re doing life? And this isn’t coming from a judgment place. Like I just know that so many people have gotten into habits with their phones and with being connected to their work that they don’t want to be in. 

If you like your phone habits, keep it. Keep your phone habits. But if you hate your phone habits and you want out of it, you get to create whatever life you want at any time. You get to just shift realities. You get to just completely shift realities. If you want to feel amazing at dinner time and spacious and calm and collected and focused and present with your kids, you get to just have that.

Another thing that I do that feels revolutionary is I notice that a lot of times if I want to go grab my phone and I want to do something for work, it’s not that I actually want to do that thing for work right now. It’s more that I don’t want to forget that I want to do that thing for work. So, let’s say it’s like 7 p.m. and I have this idea or I realize that someone didn’t get replied to or I want to check on something. And it’s not that I actually want to do it or need to do it right then. I just don’t want to forget that I want to do it the next day. 

So a lot of times I will just write it down and I will do it the next day. Guess what? By the time the next day comes, a lot of times it has already shaken out. The problem’s already solved. I don’t even need it. But I know for a lot of my clients, what you guys are doing is being constantly on your phone and talking to people about work and texting with your VA and texting with this person and texting with that person and checking this thing. And you know that you could be doing it tomorrow. You know that it doesn’t have to be done right this moment. 

But because you haven’t set up a habit of just like putting it somewhere else and forgetting about it until tomorrow, what you’re doing is you’re like opening up Pandora’s box. At 7 p.m. you have this idea, you want to get it out so you text this person. Now this person’s texting you back. Now you feel like you need to text them back. And now you guys are in a full-blown conversation about work and this all could have waited till tomorrow. This is simply a habit, okay?

And then with all of these like two phones and, you know, having the accountability and having set times for no phone or no laptop and writing down things that you don’t want to forget. Like all of these are great little habits, but it all comes from the mentality of how you think about your life. I mean, this is cosmic shit right here. Like I don’t want to look back and be like I was on my phone. I don’t want to look back and be like I built that business. I white knuckled my way through my entire existence. Like I had a massive slap in the face and had to look death right in the eyes when I watched my mom die. 

And I had a rude awakening to how short life is, how much I don’t want to be just a puppet to my job, how much I admire the people that feel present to me, how much I want that in my life. When I look at my future, when I look and I think about my happiest times in my life, when I’m thinking about what I want in my life, there is no phone. It is me around a table with all these people I love, being as present as possible, going to my grandkids’ soccer games, going to my kids’ weddings, like doing these little day-to-day life things and being fully, insanely present. 

And so if I work that problem backwards, that means that I’m going to have to start creating habits that make me present now. And this is the conversation that I just want you to be having. So if you are asking yourself, “How can I be more present? How can I detach from my work? What processes can I put in place and what can I delegate and how can I get away from this and that?” I’m glad you’re having these conversations with yourself. 

Be sure you’re making them actually come to fruition. This isn’t something that I think is worth saying, I’ll do it another time. I’ll do it whenever. I’ll think about it, you know, another time. I’ll wait till my rock bottom. I know I’m disciplined, so I can just turn this on anytime and today’s not the day. Like, life’s short, boy. It is short. And before you know it, you will have scrolled your life away. And I don’t know about you, but I ain’t about that life. So, detach, enjoy your life, be present. Love you guys.

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Hey, thanks for taking the time to listen to today’s episode. If you’re looking to get more clarity and momentum for your business, visit hellyescoachingonline.com. See you next week here on The Hell Yes Entrepreneur podcast.